The ‘STUFF’ Behind The Perfect Picture

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “Your house is always so clean! How do kids live there? Are they even allowed to have fun?” I could easily be super rich. Like, billionaire status. I won’t say I’d be richer than Bill Gates, because last time I made that joke, things got a little weird in the land of facebook, all thanks to a Unicorn Frappuccino. Thanks a lot, Starbucks.

Anyway, the point of this little post is to be a little transparent. A little more authentic…slightly more relatable. I’m no superhero here friends. My house is a mess most of the time. And lately, if we are being 100% honest? So is life. Stick with me here. I think back to when I was a kid, and I’m SO thankful that I had somewhat of a “normal” childhood. And by that I just mean a pre-social media childhood. It was safe for me to ride my bike miles and miles away, no cell phone to keep me company, no Mom at home overly worried about what trouble could find me. I wasn’t really trying to keep up with any trends. This statement can be proven by looking back at ANY picture of me through highschool. Yikes. It wasn’t super important to anyone to be put on a pedestal. Myspace and AIM were the extent of the “outside world” to me. Okay, okay…so I hung out in a few chat rooms from time to time…. A/S/L anyone? But even then, it seemed mostly harmless. We filled out quizzes…flirted with our boyfriends and girlfriends…but not for too long though, because being on the internet tied up the phone line….this was back when we called people, connected with them….REALLY listened. Texting was unheard of. BUT, you could page me 🙂 Told you I was cool.

Fast forward a few years to this new Pinterest, pretty Snapchat-filtered world we all live in. It’s more important to most people now than ever to feel accepted. To make it all look perfect. To make it seem like we have all of our ‘stuff’ together. It’s a ridiculous battle and it doesn’t seem like this train is going to slow down any time soon. I look at my 9 year old boys and I watch them tackle school in an entirely different way than I had to. I can’t even imagine having carried around a portable computer back in my elementary days! Would there even be a Lisa Frank carrier for this? I certainly can’t imagine having needed the top of the line cell phone at 9 years old. When I see kids at the school where I work pass me with a better phone than I have, it just makes me giggle. Who in the world would I have called at 9 years old? Thank God for the safety net that was 1994. Bless.

How does this tie into a Home Decor blog, you may be asking? PERFECTLY, if you ask me. I adore all things home and decorating. I salivate over pretty chairs, fluffy rugs, yummy blankets, farmhouse anything, herringbone pattern….and don’t even START me on pillows. GoodNESS. I love symmetry, gallery walls, pallet walls, shiplap, curtains that hang to the floor, and a fun colored front door. Target is my heaven on Earth and Homegoods gives me goosebumps when I step inside.  I haven’t been able to watch “Fixer Upper” since Season 2 because it sends my mind into overdrive and I have to exercise crazy self control on Pinterest.  And yes, I have 9 year old, crazy, reckless boys who don’t care one OUNCE about keeping things picked up or using a napkin to wipe their face instead of their shirt…OR ONE OF MY TREASURED THROW PILLOWS….and I have a white colored rug and a light sand colored couch in our main living room. INSANE right? I must have all of my ‘stuff’ together, right? What a perfect home I must live in!!

WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. Oh people, if you are reading this, and YOU have all of your ‘stuff’ together, I really do salute you. I’ll never be in your position. Truth time! There is so much that you don’t see in those pictures. Not only is that white rug already sort of grey-ish, but I also am not a perfect parent! My marriage is far from perfect and my garage looks like an actual bomb exploded. I’m going through some REAL stuff with my family at the moment. Heartbreaking, sad, frustrating stuff and my dishes being done and put away aren’t always my top priority. I adore my job and coworkers but it’s been a really tough year and it’s not doing much to pay off my college loans quickly.  I make REALLY amazing cupcakes, but I truly HATE baking them. I say yes to far more things than I really want to. I’m way too nice to some people in my life who aren’t 1/4 as nice or thoughtful to me. I struggle with anxiety, I’m an overthinker to my core and I have a ton of these awful things called ‘feelings’. I also am a people pleaser, which let me tell you now, if YOU aren’t a people pleaser, I am SOOOOOO jealous of you!! I slap a smile on every single day and do my absolute best to make everyone else laugh and be happy, but sometimes, I just want to come home, cry, eat cookies and watch Sweet Home Alabama. But, I don’t include all of that in a pretty picture of my dreamy bedroom right? Nope…because for a second, everything is okay in my world. I have total control of one area and it reminds me that there is beauty under the disaster. I like clean, pretty things and appreciate them but that isn’t realistic 24/7. When something around here is completely picked up and looks presentable, I whip that camera out ASAP. But, right now I’m drafting this post from that dreamy bedroom, watching the NFL draft with laundry on the bed that I didn’t feel like putting away, a tub of old Highschool stuff that my Mom brought over in the corner and a bag of Lifesaver jellybeans on the pillow beside me. And there are about 39 shirts on the floor that didn’t make the cut for this mornings outfit. Chances are, I will not be photographing these things. That’s my ‘stuff’. But for today…here’s a sneak. And yes, to the people who will comment about this not being “messy” enough, this is a mess to ME. It even looks SO MUCH WORSE sometimes, but this is happening in REAL TIME. Let’s not be the person who judges what a mess is. The world has bigger problems.

Most of us do this right? We hide our ‘stuff’. I have people tell me every time I post a picture of my home that I need to do this for a living. That is my goal! People won’t be as inclined to hire the girl posting pictures of a messy room as much as they would want to hire the girl with the pretty white couch styled to perfection, am I right? People on Instagram will pass right over a picture of a hideous couch with junk piled on top of it, but they will blow UP my notifications when I post a fantastically well lit picture of a leopard print J-LO suitcase on my bed. Tonight, I’ve fielded over 20 private messages about the picture I posted of my living room, in addition to the comments on it, and a few text messages. This doesn’t happen when I post a picture of myself with my crazy handsome twin boys.

I’m writing this post mostly so people will understand I’m a 100% real person. I yell at my kids everyday. When something bothers me or I’m really upset or hurt, I retreat. I hate cooking, especially now that the boys are older because they hate everything and anything that isn’t pizza or cereal. Guarantee that in almost every “perfect picture” you see, there is a pile of junk right around the corner that I have moved out of the way.  I might have a white comforter and you might think that’s insane, but to each their own! You don’t need to know that sometimes I don’t get all of my mascara off at night and on my side of the comforter it looks like I took a black sharpie to it. Why? Because if I need to take a picture of it, I can cover that with a SUPER cute throw pillow! HOT DOG!

I’ve literally had people actually come over to my home, and immediately pick it apart. Isn’t that crazy? The thought of going into someone’s home…THEIR SPACE…their safety net…their calm….and commenting on things you dislike or would do differently? Nope. Not happening. Neutrals, bright whites and a modern farmhouse vibe isn’t for everyone! But it certainly is my jam! To each their own. This is the beautiful thing about life. I make my house a home for myself and my family. Not for anyone else. I’m certainly thankful and appreciative for all of the amazing things people say to me…and I’m never sure really how to handle all the compliments…but I’m grateful. Decorating is my therapy. It makes me happy and gives me peace most of the time. Everyone has their thing that makes them happy and gives them an escape from their ‘stuff’. And MAN have I needed an escape.

If you haven’t ever read anything by Jen Hatmaker, take the time to read her book “For the Love”. It has been a game changer for me in this season of life. I’m on my third or fourth go around with it, and it’s speaking to me in a different way. Things in my life have changed majorly since the last time I read it, and I’m thankful for something that makes so much sense to me when a lot of other things don’t. I have written in this book, highlighted and underlined and starred almost every single word. Check out one of my favorite parts:

“Here is part of the problem, girls: we’ve been sold a bill of goods. Back in the day, women didn’t run themselves ragged trying to achieve some impressively developed life in eight different categories. No one constructed fairy-tale childhoods for their spawn, developed an innate set of personal talents, fostered a stimulating and world-changing career, created stunning homes and yardscapes, provided homemade food for every meal (locally sourced, of course), kept all marriage fires burning, sustained meaningful relationships in various environments, carved out plenty of time for “self care,” served neighbors/church/world, and maintained a fulfilling, active relationship with Jesus our Lord and Savior. Listen to me: No one can pull this off. No one IS pulling this off. The women who seem to ride this unicorn only display the best parts of their stories.”

See? I’m not the only one! I’m not the only one who feels pressured to put forth the best pictures, the best styled home, the perfect life. So far from that. I’m not pulling it off! Are any of us? I’m mostly writing this post to clarify to anyone watching my facebook page….or following my instagram feed…or browsing through my Pinterest boards…that I’m no different than you. I make mistakes. My kids are sort of tiny little slobs who need a BAZILLION reminders to walk the 20 feet to the LAUNDRY CHUTE to put their dirty clothes away. Do kids actually make their beds daily without being asked? My bathroom counter is cluttered with makeup that covers up the bags under my eyes. I struggle with different relationships in my life. I have some baggage from my childhood that lives with me to this day. I worry about being a good Mama to my sweet boys. I cross my fingers that we will win the lottery some day. I can’t stay on top of the laundry around here for the LIFE of me. My guest room closet would absolutely TERRIFY you. If Better Homes and Gardens magazine ever comes here to put me in print, they’ll have to physically FIGHT ME to get into that room. Nope. Never. Sorry BHG. Not even for you.

So….cheers to all of us and our ‘stuff’. Whether we do a good job of hiding it or not, what a beautiful mess it all is.

xoxo,

Jess